|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Is it ok that I don't want children? - 1/28/2010 9:23:37 PM
|
|
|
jecwhosoever
Posts: 104
Joined: 1/28/2010
Status: offline
|
I am 32 years old. I don't want to have children. Will I be able to find a husband who is ok with not having children? Or will every guy dump me the moment I tell them I don't want to have children. When should I tell them? On the first date? Later?
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 1/28/2010 11:11:09 PM
|
|
|
A-Mighty-Oak
Posts: 17639
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Formerly known as Humbleinspirit
Status: offline
|
Yes it is ok, you should see the thread that I started in She Says asking virtually the same thing.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 1/28/2010 11:41:42 PM
|
|
|
DrivenbyGod
Posts: 338
Status: offline
|
quote:
I am 32 years old. I don't want to have children. Will I be able to find a husband who is ok with not having children? Or will every guy dump me the moment I tell them I don't want to have children. When should I tell them? On the first date? Later?
Yes, I have the same problem with women... I want to get married, but don't want to have children either. I've tried to convince myself that I might.. but I really have no desire to have any. I would probably be fine if a woman had one child that was older, but I certainly wouldn't want to raise someone else's baby. I don't think I'd start talking about kids on the first date.. but i guess if the topic came up just be honest about it.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 1/29/2010 12:21:15 AM
|
|
|
mec
Posts: 511
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline
|
Yeah you have the right to not want kids. Im sure there are guys who dont want kids as well.
But yo have to be upfront with this, with the guy. Its still about being honest.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 1/29/2010 9:05:32 AM
|
|
|
KaptZ
Posts: 643
Joined: 10/28/2009
From: The swamps of Jersey
Status: offline
|
Yes, there are plenty of men out there that have no interest in children.
I wouldn't bring it up on the first date, but certainly it needs to be discussed if things start getting serious.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 1/29/2010 10:11:46 AM
|
|
|
Silas_Barnaby
Posts: 183
Joined: 1/14/2010
Status: offline
|
For me, yes.
Both my parents were past middle age when I was born. There was a whole generation missing between me and my dad. While he taught me a lot and we got along fine, he was a sick, old man when he died when I was in my early twenties. I told myself if I didn't have any kids by the time I was 30 then I probably wouldn't want any children of my own after that.
Besides, call me a fatalist if you want but I've lately been thinking I wouldn't want to have my own kids growing up in this world as it appears 30 or 40 years from now.
_____________________________
...it is possible to be perfectly right on a superficial level, and wrong in the things that matter most in life
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 1/29/2010 7:18:09 PM
|
|
|
mec
Posts: 511
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline
|
The metaphor was funny...
But in all seriousness, you still have the right not to want kids. Yes it does narrow your field, and the points you give is why you choose to feel the way you do. And thats your decision, so stick with it. Somethings just cant be compromised on our lists, and this is one of those items you need to not compromise, unless you change your mind later in life.
God will provide you a man who will take you the way you are. If he loves you, and cares for you, he should be able to respect your decision.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 1/30/2010 9:37:07 AM
|
|
|
makarizo
Posts: 2588
Joined: 4/13/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jenconnor
I am 32 years old. I don't want to have children. Will I be able to find a husband who is ok with not having children? Or will every guy dump me the moment I tell them I don't want to have children. When should I tell them? On the first date? Later?
when i was 20 ish, I wanted to have at least 10 kids, and now that I am 40 ish I don't necessarily want any... things change.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 1/30/2010 4:10:39 PM
|
|
|
trainfan
Posts: 4762
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: The land of confusion
Status: offline
|
I used to want a few kids but the older I get the less I care one way or the other.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 1/30/2010 6:35:11 PM
|
|
|
mec
Posts: 511
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline
|
Im not really partial either way. I think kids are great. But for me, I would be content with a wife. Anything else is icing on the cake
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 2/3/2010 8:52:42 PM
|
|
|
GroupW
Posts: 2863
Joined: 11/16/2007
From: Up in the hills of Colorado (very BIG hills...)
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jenconnor
I told a female friend that I didn’t want to have children, and her response was the same as it would have been if I’d told her I was going to shave my head or get a body part cut off or die or something. 
I can tell you that once you are married, that just gets worse. I can't tell you how many times people asked us why we weren't having kids and how many different and creatively polite ways I had to find to say MYOB. It was definitely harder on my wife than on me. Just something you'll need to be prepared for.
Disclosure: Late in our 30's we had an oops. It was stressful; we didn't know how we'd handle it, and it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Lesson: Make your plans, but don't be surprised if God changes them. With or without your permission. Life is just like that, and it's good to know you can adjust and still enjoy a wonderful life.
_____________________________
“For every problem, there is a solution that is simple, elegant and wrong.” -H.L. Mencken
"Dort, wo man Buecher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen." - Heinrich Heine
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 2/3/2010 10:45:03 PM
|
|
|
APZR
Posts: 1007
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
Status: offline
|
At 32 you may have to consider men a little bit older. Being 40 if I found myself single for some unfortunate event, I'd not want more kids having 2 already.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 3/4/2010 5:13:54 AM
|
|
|
solomonsprayer
Posts: 567
Joined: 8/1/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jenconnor
I am 32 years old. I don't want to have children. Will I be able to find a husband who is ok with not having children? Or will every guy dump me the moment I tell them I don't want to have children. When should I tell them? On the first date? Later?
Jen - I am not sure what percentage of men out there do not want children, but I know they exist - as I am currently one of them (although, I am not set on this and could see myself changing my mind as well).
I would say that it would depend on the level and type of conversation you are having with your date as to when it might be appropriate to bring up the subject of children. If it is a light-hearted time you are having with your date, then I would say to maybe hold off on that topic until later. But if you sense that the person is open and interested in discussing what they want for the future, then I do not see anything wrong with bringing up the issue at that time.
I would guess, though, that perhaps the second ...or third date would be a better time, in general, to bring up such a topic rather than the first one.
I wonder myself about how this issue might affect a potential dating relationship for me in the future. But in terms of asking a person out, I would still do it if I were interested and then allow the process to work itself out. I trust God will have the right person for me who has similar life and relationship goals/interests.
Ultimately, I say don't be discouraged! Trust in God's plan for you and be yourself. 
_____________________________
"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."
-Psalm 37:5-6
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 3/4/2010 8:16:20 AM
|
|
|
nuclear_sidewalk
Posts: 465
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline
|
It's extremely important to let someone know, because it could be a deal-breaker for me. It doesn't compute in my mind why someone healthy and of reasonable age wouldn't want children, but we're not here to debate that. There are shallow and not-so shallow reasons for believing so, and I think you need to communicate the Whys to him. When? As soon as you start talking about other marriage-related topics, like relationship pasts, dreams for the future, etc. (because, want it or not, it's a designed function of marriage) You have to understand that he has the right to make it a deal-breaker in his book, even if things seem to be going well. It's not like you can call him selfish for doing so. You have to understand that this request coming from a guy would be largely received as unfair to his prospective wife, though you (with the ovaries) have more social leniency with it.
Forgive me if this reads defensively - it's not intended to. I just think it's a pretty big issue, it shouldn't be dropped late in the relationship, and that some people make the no-children choice for poor reasons. I pray that God will continue to work in your life and that of your eventual mate. (note: I'm not saying "get right with God, then you'll want kids  ) May He always be your top priority, and many other things will seemingly fall into place.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Is it ok that I don't want children? - 3/4/2010 1:45:28 PM
|
|
|
Crushmaster
Posts: 483
Joined: 7/21/2009
From: The South, In The Good Ol' U.S. of A.
Status: offline
|
quote:
jenconnor
I am 32 years old. I don't want to have children. Will I be able to find a husband who is ok with not having children? Or will every guy dump me the moment I tell them I don't want to have children. When should I tell them? On the first date? Later?
If you get married, then, no, it's not OK. Part of a Christian marriage is to have children and raise them in the ways of the Lord.
God bless,
Crushmaster.
_____________________________
http://www.areyouagoodperson.org
(2 Corinthians 5:17) - "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."
Christ is Lord and King! To Him I give all glory and honor.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
